Hello there, Amanda here and welcome to my little home away from home, An Hour of Secrets. A blog created to help you live your best life from the inside out.
I know firsthand what it can feel like to be completely stuck in life. When moving forward feels unattainable and the only road that looks open is the one heading back the way you came.
I’ve been there. I’ve felt the severe lack of motivation, zero sparks of inspiration or creativity and when my daily routine looked like work, tv, sleep repeat.
Growing up I was never the most confident kid. I always felt very uncomfortable in my own skin. And because of that I was very quiet, awkward and shy and did everything possible to just keep to myself.
But no matter where I went there was always this spotlight following me. Like people were always looking at me, judging me. Needless to say, I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up and getting made fun of was a daily occurrence at school.
Which definitely played a huge role in my self-confidence. I had very low self-esteem and self-worth. Always feeling like I wasn’t good enough because that’s what I heard at school everyday.
I wasn’t the “cool kid”, and I was not good at sports. Kids can be really great at pointing out your flaws and letting you know you just don’t fit in.
I’d like to think that just by merely growing up we move on. We move past all of these insecurities from when we’re young and begin to find our true selves. Who we are when we aren’t being constantly put down and told we aren’t enough.
But the truth is these insecurities can follow us around if we don’t turn around and actually face them.
They linger inside of us until there just isn’t any more room left for them to grow. Then they come pouring out.
I know because this is exactly what happened to me.
After my awkward childhood phase I, like many, many others moved ahead with life. I went off to college, I got a job in the corporate world and felt like I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I had my own apartment and was making decent money. And yet, I still didn’t feel truly happy.
It was something I realized but immediately began to repress. How could I not be happy with everything I had? I had a good job, a place to live. The bills were being paid and I had food to eat.
Feelings of guilt would spring up out of nowhere. I have everything I need. What’s wrong with me. Why am I so unhappy? So, I pushed, pushed, pushed those thoughts down. Like down deep. Hoping that not thinking about them would make them disappear.
This tactic worked decently well for me for years. It worked, until inevitably, it didn’t.
So fast forward a bit and I’m still working in the corporate world at my 9-5. And I am MISERABLE! Honestly miserable is an understatement. It comes nowhere near being able to describe how I felt.
The job was breaking down my soul every day that I walked through those doors. There were days I cried on my way to the office and cried on my way home.
I knew it was killing me inside.
But my lovely little ego kept telling me I wasn’t good enough to get a job anywhere else. I wouldn’t make as much money. No other company would want me (similar to what I heard at school and thought about myself as child.)
This inner battle I was fighting with myself was getting me absolutely nowhere.
I felt completely lost.
Then came my breaking point. It all happened in 2019.
This was the year I was at my all-time lowest. I was depressed because of how unhappy I was at work, and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. Constantly putting myself down became a daily habit for me.
THEN CAME THE PANDEMIC
And all of a sudden, my position was gone. No longer needed. Eliminated. I was asked to return my laptop and my badge and then that was that. We parted ways.
In the blink of an eye it was all over. Even though I hated my job down to my core it was all I knew. All that I had. What was going to happen now?
Losing your job (even one you completely despise) is the scariest thing ever. And then throw a global pandemic on top of that. Let me just tell you I was feeling all the things.
I was scared, lost and terribly afraid of the future and the unknown. It all just felt like complete darkness.
So I took some time to process it all. And during this time, I began asking myself some real questions.
What is it I truly want to do?
What are my goals?
How do I want my life to look?
What do I actually want to do with my life?
Sadly, these were questions I had never taken the time to stop and ask myself before. And most of them I couldn’t even answer right away.
This was the moment that changed everything for me.
I began really working hard to take a deep dive into myself to find the answers.
I started taking my fitness routine more seriously and working out every day. I started journaling to help guide me and get to know myself better. I started eating healthier. I even began meditating.
I started doing all of these things just for myself. For me. No one else. And let me tell you. Things in my life began to CHANGE.
I started feeling happier, calmer, waaaaaay less stressed. And for the first time in a long time I was actually excited for the future and what was in store for me.
When I decided to take control and truly commit myself to my own personal growth, self-care and self-development journey everything began to change.
I started to learn what works for me and what I needed to let go of and move on from.
And that’s how An Hour of Secrets was born. This blog is a testament to that trial and error effort. It’s a creation of what I’ve learned over these last few years (and still learning today) about what it means to find your way.
The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
AMELIA EARHART
Perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned on my journey so far is that some of the biggest moments of growth stem from that feeling of needing to get unstuck. It is a difficult experience to go through for sure, but just know it won’t last forever.
If you are feeling completely lost right now, then get excited! It’s the Universe’s way of telling you that you are ready for change.
It’s this feeling that helps guide us towards a new path to self-discovery.
This feeling is what guided you here.
During your visit here I hope you feel empowered, rejuvenated and ready to go out there and live the life you deserve. This is a place to reconnect with yourself. Find peace and grounding within yourself. And to truly love who you are.
You don’t need a global catastrophe to give you the courage to begin making real changes in your life.
Do it now. Do it today because today you decide enough is enough and you are ready to take your life into your owns and change the rules.
Because let me tell you, I changed my entire life the moment I decided to open myself up to new possibilities, put myself first and let go of the past. And since that day I’ve never looked back.
So if you’re ready, curl up in your comfiest clothes, sit back, relax and join me for an hour of secrets.